its like they know (The Truman show)

Triathlon Training Blog, Sunday, October 14th, 2018

Car hire check in . Is there anything that fills you more full of dread that this god forsaken process after a day that you thought couldnt get much worse?


How fucking wrong can you be!


Bounce up to the desk like tigger whose double dropped. This is where your day takes a serious nose dive.  The depths you have plunged to getting this far are soon to be dramatically eclipsed by the next 30 mins. A period in your life that you will never get back and never struggle to remember.

A slap in the chops with an outsized kipper delivered by a 2 foot midget on roids and speed and roller blades

Put on a very thin and fragile  veneer of happy go lucky . Hello my good man , fantastic day no? Bon Dias  or whatever backward dialect you munkis use . Yes voucher check, license  check , credit card check. Its all going just swimmingly . I could write an essay/book on this 30 min window of my life alone.

In their infinite wisdom Visa have cancelled my credit card. Many many splendid minutes later its ascertained the card has been cancelled due to lack of use. Its all jolly hockey sticks now isnt it? Cant use a debit card , fuck no. Just not the done thing . Even though there’s enough money on the debit card to buy the fucking car.


Laughing hysterically  at the drive through. Except there’s no ‘driving’ and no ‘through’


You have got to be fucking kidding me!?The look on the guys face went from awkward smile to genuine  concern .Not for my well being but his and every soul within a 20 m radius.


You know that extra insurance policy you deliberated over taking out on booking online as it was almost the same cost as hiring the car. You know , that one. You took it out anyway. Just in case! As they played your fears  like a freaking piano ? The zero excess one?


Well, hay fucking ho they wont accept that at the desk despite it being underwritten by the biggest global baby eating plastic producing cock gobblers in the cosmos.  Your only option is to take out their insurance at twice the price. A day late and a dollar short. Otherwise you are hiring a donkey outside Terminal fucking nowhere to the shit stop which you have no desire to reach now anyway. In fact the purpose of the journey and the destination has been lost in the soup that was your brain 12 hours ago.


There’s an awful lot to be said for staying at home and locking all the doors.


At this point they could have asked me for the title deeds to my house and i’d have handed them over. Almost pleading to be anywhere but here. ANYWHERE! BUT! HERE! he snarled !

In what didnt feel at all like two shakes of a lambs tail i was out of there. In the hire car that must be made out of gold  and running on saffron , the price i paid for it . Chuck it all in the back out the compound and stop around the corner. STARE into the distance.   Its that feel good ‘Waky’ feeling.

Like when we looked across fresh west the day after the sea empress oil spill. Devastation all around. Like a wake. Yep


Ah yes ‘ getting there is half the adventure!’ You are not wrong and i hope we die soon.


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