thunder clouds are forming

Wednesday the 4th March. 21 years ago today My dad was knocked off his bike near Penally and killed. It was a friday. The motorist turned right into him as he came down the hill towards tenby by kiln park garage. the motorist was speeding with an un safe load . The impact nearly tore my dads head off and he was dead before he hit the ground. The motorist fixed the car and was driving it the next week. He got 3 points and drove himself home.That was 1994.In 94 it wasnt even mentioned someone was killed during the hearing.

I used to go with mum to the accident site and watch her plant flowers by her dead husbands last place alive on earth. I couldn’t bare to watch her pushing the dirt around and planting the flowers year in year out. bare hands by the grave. Selfish i know. What it must be like for her i can’t , won’t imagine. I just cant face it. All those years taken away from her. She never met anyone else.

I found myself there this morning .Mums been here ,fresh new flowers by , what basically amounts to us his grave. I stood there in the still air of a spring morning , you stare, you watch ,observe, searching, a feeling unfamiliar or unwelcome , meaning, something. You’ll never find it. A sadness washes over you. Like an old friend you’d forgotten was there, mislaid sometimes It grips you and you catch it in your throat the world has stopped and you are standing by the road in Penally . Tears come easily sometimes. Part of you died there too. part of you was there with him . You felt it and still do.The day your world changed forever

Theres a desloate empty high way reaching out in front of you ,a storm is brewing on the horizon and there’s no one and nothing there to help you. You’ve never felt so alone.You are standing by the road in Penally.Beyond solitude. out of reach

This year is harder than most.Maybe because of the GB vests or the kona world champs. He would’ve loved it.Although he would’ve been 87 i think.

Dad wasn’t a bad cyclist himself in the 60s he rode internationally and was , what was called then a neo pro for a spell. Riding for ‘ tower cycles’ in Birmingham coached by Alan Richards. In the 70s he took to body building. He was my size , maybe a bit shorter but with a 52 inch chest and 18 inch arms. He won Mr Wales and Mr England and always promised himself as soon as he didnt make the podium he would stop competing. He was in his late 50’s when he stopped.4th

I didnt like Penally too much before to be honest.At least it wasnt raining.

Thursday an hour blast on the treadmill. 2 k warm up then 400m fast 600m medium , 600m fast 400 medium, 800 fast 200 medium 1k fast then back down. basically a vo2 max over under session .I knew that taking my t shirt off while running on the treadmill was not a good idea. But did it any way. I nearly, yes nearly fell off another stationary trainer this week. 10k came up in 43.10. warm down 50 mins.Steve came over and told me the rules about being shirtless in the gym. I knew them but thought i’d chance my arm. Steve is an excellent power lifter and is competing in the British champs in a few months. Good luck to him.Emma frost was giving it the full austin powers in the car park with , what looked like a 3 maybe 4 hundred point turn. It was quite a thing to watch.

Thursday night and back on the rollers for an endurance set . Trainer road 1min on 2 off an hr and 15 mins. 31 miles . Was just hitting my numbers with an ftp at 270watts. Which is better.Another over under set